My three-year-old grandson has this adorable thing he does. If you’re making a sad face (say, like this photo of Congressman Boehner), he immediately pounces, points his little finger at you and says, “You’re making yourself sad!” He shouts it with much impassioned judgment. Of course, it cracks everyone up, and the victim of his wrath quickly turns that frown upside down.
I recently had to speak at a public event here in town. And, as I stood in front of the audience, even though I knew my topic cold and had rehearsed my talk several times, all I could think about was how I looked. Recall, speaking in public was one of my original motives (along with being taken seriously professionally) for beginning a concerted weight loss program.
The fact that there is a profound stigma and societally acceptable prejudice levied against the obese does not make it easy to not care what people think. It bothers me to no end to see how women in every facet of life are judged first by how they look, everything else second. Especially, most especially, when it comes to weight.
After that event, I realized it was really me who was condemning me. Who knows what anyone thought? They probably just thought I was a terrible speaker (which I was because I was fighting this unfair image war in my head while I was trying to get through the talk.) It’s what I thought that mattered here, and it impacted my performance.
I was making myself sad.
So, rather than have more wars in my head, and limit my ability to support myself by not wanting to speak or be seen in public, I’m back at it. I can’t possibly change the world’s opinion about this, so I’ll just have to conform to “fit” in.
Have no idea if anyone is still subscribed to or reading this blog. But, I’ll be continuing to update here with my progress. I reconfigured my Withings scale. Considering I gained all the weight back I had lost, it’s back to the drawing board. The good news is I lost about 4 pounds this week. I’m just back to no carbs, no sugar.
I’m making myself happy… by at least trying. That has to count for something.